When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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