A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
