$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
