I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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