So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
