sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize