her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize