I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize