i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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