you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
