been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
