My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
