Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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