fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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