My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
