i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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