...so i touched it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
