I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize