u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I look better un-naked...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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