I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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