So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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