I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
