I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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