there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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