Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
