Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
