Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
