She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
