Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The feeling are messing with the penis
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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