hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
