Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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