new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
