My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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