I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
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