Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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