I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
