Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
