matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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