I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize