I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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