I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
