My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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