you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
