ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
ugly people sure do ruin things
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
