This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
