I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
