Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
