She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
