direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
