i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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