What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize