I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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