This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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