I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
