I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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