I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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