I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
