ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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