You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
