I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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