your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
