Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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