you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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