i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
