party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
