I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you will always have a special place in my vag
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
