where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
