I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
