she smelled like a LAN party
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
