Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
